So, to placate fans of Presented in Technicolor (all three or four of you) I suppose I'll just show everyone what I've been working on the past couple of weeks. In order to get out of writing an actual paper or doing some kind of presentation for my Theater class I've been writing a script for a play. I sometimes worked on it in coffee shops.
I've become one of those assholesAnd now, Presented in Technicolor would like to present (in technicolor) for your consideration, Joey Ahern's Untitled Project #2010.04, scenes A and B. Enjoy
Scene A
Setting: Anonymous east coast city
Characters:
Chris Maloney – Private detective investigating the murder of his client.
Bonnie Greenwald – “Butcher” Bonnie, middle aged District Attorney who is less than happy with Maloney and his interfering in police matters.
Lenny and Tick-Tock – Investigators for the D.A., generally not known for their thinking prowess, more known for their muscle and intimidating figures.
Scene: D.A.’s office, Maloney is brought in for questioning as a suspect in the murder of his client
MALONEY: seated, reading paper
How long do you boys think it will take the Butcher to get here, I have an appointment later in the afternoon.
LENNY: You sit there and shut up Shamus, you’re in deep this time.
MALONEY: Funny, I thought they usually arrested the ones who were in deep. I, on the other hand, have been asked to come here and can leave whenever I want.
Stands, moves to the door to leave
In fact, I think I’ll exercise that privilege right now…
Enter: BONNIE GREENWALD
BONNIE: Sit down Maloney. You at least owe us ten minutes for involving yourself in our investigation.
All sit
BONNIE: This is the, (counts on fingers) fourth time we’ve crossed paths, isn’t it Maloney?
MALONEY: True, one might have thought I would have endeared myself to you at some point.
BONNIE: That couldn’t be further from the truth. You’ve involved yourself in too much of our work for that. But that’s not the point of this. We’re wondering what happened with your former client, the deceased Mr. Marks. We want to know what your involvement was with him, and we want to know where you were on the night of his murder.
MALONEY: What I do for my clients is confidential and if you want to find out what it was then get a judge to sign off on a warrant. Other than that, I was at home trying to sleep off a particularly bad knock in the head when the old man was put on the midnight train to the Big Adios.
TICK-TOCK: There any witnesses to that bub? Maybe someone who could sit us down and let us know that you didn’t see fit to pump old man Marks full of holes?
MALONEY: (stands violently) If this is going to turn into that kind of conversation then I want my lawyer here! I don’t need you all and I didn’t ask to see you, you called me. Now, I’ve been in enough scrapes with you lot to know that if I have any chance of coming out of this clean then I have to find the killer myself. So you ease up off my back and let me do my job and I’ll stay out of your way and let you do your jobs, which I can only assume is to sit in cars and bother nice people with your goof troop duo here.
BONNIE: Go find the killer then, by all means. Mr. Maloney, if you tell me that there’s a fish at the end of this line, I’ll leave you alone and give you a wide berth. For now. But if you reel this in and there’s no fish, well then, there has to be someone to go to jail for Mr. Marks’ murder. And it’s beginning to look like you’re the lucky winner. So find out who did this or your head’s going to be the one dangling on the chopping block. Now, who would you guess is behind it all?
MALONEY: Mama Maloney didn’t raise kids to stand and guess in front of a District Attorney and her Goon Squad.
(marches in a huff towards the door)
Now if you need to talk to me come see me yourself and don’t send Lenny and his pet to come ruffle my feathers to get me here. And no more of these ‘informal talks’, I’m going to start getting visible and I can’t be fingered towards the D.A.’s office. If you need to see me then charge me with something or subpoena me and then I’ll be right back in that seat with my lawyer.
(Opens door)
I’ll see you at the inquest. Maybe!
(Slams door, end scene).
Scene B
Setting: Relatively crowded bar, The Wretched Hive, anonymous East Coast City
Characters:
Chris Maloney – Private detective investigating the murder of a former client, Mr. Arlington Marks. His search has led him to The Wretched Hive where former flame Alexander works as a singer and his usual informant, Kaufman, await him.
“Boxer” Blaine Kaufman – Former boxer, driven to shady dealings by an injury to his face that prevents him from seeing out of his left eye. He was driven to becoming an occasional information passer for Maloney because gambling debts and financial pressures makes the money worthwhile for him, although he doesn’t enjoy going from Boxing Blaine to Blaine-the-Snitch.
Natalie Alexander – Singer at the bar, Natalie knows Maloney from his getting her out of a less-than-fruitful contract with her former band manager. Maloney knew she couldn’t pay him but helped out anyway to get her out of such an exploitative agreement. They openly flirt with each other, but nothing has ever come of it. She helps to pay Maloney back for his kindness by keeping watch at the bar for movers and shakers whenever he asks, and can sometimes swing the occasional free drink for him.
Scene: The Wretched Hive Bar, busy, but not overly so. Alexander’s set just finished and she’s walking through the bar, signing an autograph or two. Kaufman sits at the bar, surrounded by several empty glasses and working on another. Maloney enters through the door and looks around, then walks slowly inside, not noticing Natalie. She winds behind him and says…
ALEXANDER: I don’t know whether to kiss you for coming down to see me or slap you for being so completely stupid by coming down here by yourself. Half the people in this room wouldn’t mind it if you took a long walk off a short pier.
MALONEY: Which half of the room do you side with, Angel?
ALEXANDER: I’m playfully indifferent. (pause) I don’t suppose the cavalry will be coming over that next hill if a fight starts, will they?
MALONEY: Don’t hurt yourself worrying there gorgeous. I can take these drunks by myself with just my little finger.
ALEXANDER: Must be some little finger you got there. Maybe you could show me that trick sometime?
MALONEY: Not tonight Natalie. I’m looking for Kaufman, you seen him?
ALEXANDER: Yeah, the wino’s over at the bar nursing his umpteenth drink and he seems to be in a foul mood. You might want to come back tomorrow. (concerned) What’s the matter, are you in some kind of trouble? You never come down here to talk to the Boxer out in the open. If people found out that he was passing information to you then you’d both end up dead. They’ll beat your teeth out and then kick you in the stomach for mumbling. I know you’re a handsome one, but I don’t think it would be very ladylike of me to keep flirting with a corpse.
MALONEY: Hmmm.
ALEXANDER: What is that supposed to mean Maloney?
MALONEY: (begins to walk away) It means “Hmmm”.
Maloney moves toward the bar from Kaufman’s right so he doesn’t see him sit down. Alexander moves off in a huff at having been left standing as he walks off. EXIT.
MALONEY: (to bartender) Get me a scotch, please.
BARTENDER: How do like your scotch mac?
MALONEY: In a glass. (turns to Kaufman) Still blind as a bat on this side I see.
KAUFMAN: Still hanging around where you’re not wanted, are you Maloney? I thought I told you I don’t need your money and that I’m not interested in talking to you about nothing no more.
MALONEY: Are you sure? I hear that you have a nasty habit of betting fast on slow ponies and that Marlowe’s looking to break your legs unless you pay up. Maybe you could use a little help? How ‘bout it Boxer? Maybe a donation to the Blaine Kaufman Bad Habits Fund is just what you need. All you have to do is just answer a couple of simple questions for me.
KAUFMAN: Get bent Shamus, I can settle my own way with Marlowe.
MALONEY: But you can’t settle your way with the cops. I do happen to have proof of you hijacking that truck carrying the works that were going to be up for auction at Botherby’s yesterday afternoon. Maybe the bulls wouldn’t mind knowing who took all that art, and maybe they’ll come asking me about it sometime this week. What should I say to them Blaine?
KAUFMAN: You’re bluffing, you don’t know nothing. What, you got someone lined up to say they saw me do it or something?
MALONEY: No. I know where the truck is, (KAUFMAN begins to look panicked) and I’m betting from your terrible poker face that you forgot to wipe it down when you were done with the caper. So, what’ll it be Boxer? Me or the bulls?
KAUFMAN: (grudgingly) What do you want to know?
MALONEY: What do you know about rich old man Arlington Marks?
KAUFMAN: About the same as you, probably.
MALONEY: You’re a terrible liar Blaine, you really need to stay away from such bad habits, especially ones that people can see right through.
KAUFMAN: Okay okay. Old man Marks was rich and well-liked, owned a newspaper empire, gave to charity, but that don’t mean he was spotless, you know what I’m getting at? He spent a lot of money sabotaging his rivals’ trucks so they couldn’t deliver their papers. Their presses would stop working or sometimes they’d ‘fail catastrophically’ and then workers would get hurt, buildings damaged and that sort of thing. He got to the top by stepping on all his competition.
MALONEY: I bet over half the people with corner offices did the same thing. Tell me something about him I don’t know.
KAUFMAN: Okay Shamus, keep your tie straight. I was getting to that part. I also hear that Marks gets a token of the action out of the drug ring here in our fair city. I dunno, he invested in the project some fifteen or twenty years ago, whatever. So, I hear last week that he was pushing to get more of the take out of each shipment. Instead of his ten percent, he’s looking to get fifteen or twenty! That don’t leave too much profits to go around now does it?
MALONEY: (slides cash over to him) Maybe that’s why he’s trussed up on a slab downtown with a tag on his toe and six pieces of lead in him that weren’t there yesterday. I’ll see you around Blaine. (Exit, end scene)
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